What’s inside the box? Understanding care home resident behaviours

AI created caricature image of Caroline J Benham, staff member and residents enjoying activities in a care home.

By now, you’ll be familiar with the idea that you are the box.

And once you start seeing it, you can’t really unsee it.

Because just as you are shaped by your experiences, your beliefs, and your limitations, so is every resident living in your care home.

Residents didn’t arrive as blank slates.

They arrived with a lifetime already inside their box.

A lifetime shaped long before the care home

Every resident’s box was shaped long before they moved in.

By the work they did. The routines they lived by.

The responsibilities they carried. The roles that mattered to them; parent, partner, worker, carer, organiser, provider.

Their box holds memories, habits, preferences, and values that didn’t disappear just because their circumstances changed.

When we remember this, it becomes easier to see residents as whole people, not just as participants (or non-participants) in activities.

Preferences are rarely random

When a resident likes something, or avoids it, there’s usually a reason. Understanding care home resident behaviours can really help you to feel more confident in your activities planning as well as helping them to feel more included.

Preferences are often rooted in familiarity and comfort. Repetition can feel safe.

Change can feel unsettling.

Someone who always chooses the same activity isn’t being stubborn. They may be holding onto something that feels known and manageable in a world that no longer always makes sense.

And when a resident says no, it isn’t always a rejection of the activity itself. Sometimes it’s a response to how it feels, how it’s presented, or how much energy it requires that day.

Activities don’t land in empty space. They land in a life that’s already been lived.

Strengths don’t disappear - they change shape

One of the easiest things to overlook is that strengths are still there, even when they look different.

Someone may no longer be able to do what they once did, but they may still:

• recognise

• respond

• enjoy

• guide

• comment

• remember how something should feel

  
  

When we focus only on what’s been lost, we miss what remains.

When we look for strengths (even small ones) it changes how we approach activities and interactions. It shifts us from “What can’t they do?”  to “What is still possible here?”

And that’s a very different starting point.

Behaviour is communication

This is one of the most important shifts of all.

Behaviour is often the clearest form of communication a resident has available to them.

What looks like refusal might be saying: This feels too much.

What looks like withdrawal might be saying: I don’t understand what’s happening.

What looks like agitation might be saying: I need something familiar or predictable.

This isn’t about excusing behaviour or ignoring challenges. It’s about understanding that behaviour often makes sense once we stop seeing it as a problem and start seeing it as a message.

And when we understand the message, our response changes.

A quiet pause for reflection

This is a good place to slow down for a moment.

Not to fix.

Not to plan.

Just to reflect.

Ask yourself:

If this resident’s box was shaped long before they arrived here, what might it contain?

You don’t need a full answer.

Even pondering on the question can soften how you respond.

Sometimes curiosity does more than certainty ever could.

What this changes for activity coordinators

When you begin to think about what’s inside a resident’s box, a few things tend to happen.

You take behaviour less personally.

You feel less pressure to make every activity work.

You start adapting instead of persisting.

Understanding care home resident behaviours doesn’t mean doing more.

Often, it means doing things differently, with more patience, more flexibility, and more compassion.

And that supports you just as much as it supports residents.

You don’t need to know everything that’s inside a resident’s box.

You never will.

But remembering that there is more inside than you can see changes how you show up.

When we look beyond activities and towards the person, understanding has more room to grow.

And that’s where meaningful connection begins.